BEAST MODE

i wish i had some crazy story to tell about how i got shit faced at a local bar, picked up hella guys, did hella drugs, and was a hot fucking mess in washington. Ohh you know: DRUGS, SEX, and ROCK n' ROLL, but if thats what you came here looking for im sorry to tell you....my life is boring. plus im not that type of girl anyways.

seriously, all i do is study and its a treat if i even wake up in the morning and comb my hair. My daily uniform is sweats, a sweater, a baseball cap, my glasses, and my backpack. And if i feel like getting fancy, ill put on a pair of jeans.

damn being a nerd is harder than i thought because of the fact that im not a naturally gifted kinda nerd. I dont have a photographic memory that i can boast about....i work hard for my shit. I study for days, and type out study guides for hours that my hands are actually starting to have joint contractures. BUT GOD DAMNN i can now type around 70 words per minute. sooo HOLLLER like a gangster. Ive been getting up at 5 am every day so i can re-write out notes, and scan class lectures like a fucking player hustling all the ideas and thoughts from my professor.

no im not a gifted kind of nerd...im a WORK HARD AT MY SHIT AND EARN IT KINDA GANGSTER ASS BEEZY. and maybe...just maybe that makes me a boring person, cuz ohh trust me that ive been getting the whole "reyna you are SOOO BORING. you never do anything that is worth doing."

But to me getting my nerd on is worth it. Being able to support myself, have a profession, and be an independent lady is something that i want out of life. If that makes me boring than im gonna rock the fuck out of it while im acquiring good habits that are replacing all my bad ones. Ive walked through more than half my life not really caring about anything. Ive finally found something that I love doing and you better trust me that im gonna put my heart and soul into it cuz thats just how I stay grindinnnnnng. If that makes me boring, than ill proudly wear that badge of honor that says "this beezy is a grandma" with a smile on my face.

peace.

HELLO APHRODITE we meet again and I find it unnerving...

that I swear to god every single one of my friends that are girls have said to me lately, "I wish I were more like you. I wish I had less feelings and didn't give a fuck." That shits just wild to me. Especially when someone says stuff like "I've always acted like a guy, but you've inspired me."

since when was being a jaded ass biaaa who runs away from about 95% of good potential relationships like the new trend? I'm living in the era of unemotional attachment is whats happening. Its crazy how the ability to become emotionally vulnerable enough to actually fall in love is now a sign of weakness and I've somehow wound up to be the fucking poster child. Lol. Ill be honest I used to be semi proud of it like I wore it like some kind of badge of honor but for some reason it's just not what it is all cracked up to be. Not that im saying i want to wind up in some co-dependent weird ass relationship any time soon. I just want to be less jaded: a balance between being a completely infatuated nut job and a rationally sane person.

anyways the fact is that I've been running my game like a guy for the past 23 years of my life and although it was ridiculously fun and all Im ready for a change. So when the right guy comes along ill try not to be that much of dumb ass. I can't promise you anything dear little blog site,but I can say I will try at least to start things out with the best intentions.

i feel like i need a fucking 12 step program to de-guyatize my whole mentality about relationships. for reals. over and out. peace.