Don't ask me why I've thought about this but...

I'm pretty sure when people try to set me up on dates (which never works by the way cuz I'm like FUCK THAT...why would I want to spend a good night being even more weirder than i normally am? So I've never actually been on one) the conversation goes something like this:

amiga: "so I have a friend I want you to meet."

douchebag guy who doesnt know he's a douche yet: "ohh yea what is she like?"

amiga: "ohh she's very nice and sweet."

and Biassss we alll know what "she's very nice and sweet" really means.

its not that i have any major insecurities when it comes to physical looks, but I'm pretty certain thats how most of those conversations go because I have personality up the fucking YING-YANG, which probably outshine any physical qualities that I posses such as being asian, small chinky almond shape eyes, my ability to be fucking midget sized. OHHH YEAH I SERVE THAT PERSONALITY UP LIKE HOT CAKES MY FRIEND. Is it bad that I pretty sure that my most attractive quality is my weird personality? You want a conversation about ninjas. I got you. You want to talk about the many types of bacon and which one is superior. I got you. You wanna discuss which literary authors must of been on fucking crack when they wrote their book. I GOT YOU. or like what I've been pondering a lot lately: if i had a super power what would it be and once chosen what are it's limitations and downfalls. Like Take for Example, MR. Midas. Im pretty sure fucking Midas thought it would be a blast to be able to turn everything he touched into gold, but look HOME BOY FUCKED his shit up. Thats like an ultimate cock block power on his part. Like celibacy by GOLD.

though now that I think about it all girls are pretty insecure about somethings like I for instance if I had the in disposable funds I would get human growth hormones to grow a few inches more and throw some Ds on it like Little Kim so I can walk around in nothing but pasties like EvvErrry day. gangster shit. hood rat. ooOOORAHHH

Winning personality and a set of Ds = ultimate panty robber.

yup I SAID IT.

Instead of the conversation going playing out like the first scenario id be something like

douche bag guy: "soooo what is she like?"

amiga: "she has a really nice rack."

anyways. got a test today whats GOOOOOD with that nerd swagger?

over and out.

FUCKKKKKKKK ME.

no seriously

okay okay OKAY okay OKAY

half-joking

I'm trying to figure out if its just because my brain has been used to operating on stress that I constantly find myself procrastinating like a crazy bia. I mean even if I have like basically a 3 day weekend I will go as far as to stare at my bedroom walls for a good 5 hours to avoid doing anything productive. OH MY GOD. Am I personality type B? you know what I mean? or have I destroyed too many bloody brain cells to remember exactly what the definition of personality type B is.

I know for sure that personality type As are the anal-retentive-high-strung-bitch-you-need-to-CALM-THE-FUCK-DOWN-BEFORE-I-PUNCH-YOU-IN-YOUR-THROAT -control-freak-stop TIME-MANAGING-MY-SHIZZZ, which means that personality type B must be the mellow mofos who the As get mad at...unless there is a C and D and I'm just making shit up which may very well be the case.

fuck.

fuck

fuck

Anyways onto another train of thought. I need to do something crazy, random, and extremely weird like PRONTO. I'm bored with life. I also need to find a group of people willing to do awkward things in extremely awkward situations. The problem with moving around all the fucking time and being stuck in school is that I never get a moment to really explore and establish well like a group of friends outside of the program. Its weird cuz everyone here seems to originally be from Portland so they already have amigos they kick it with on the daily. It'd be strange to go up to someone and be like "HI I'm new in town. be my friend. better yet introduce me to all your other friends so we can all kick it and I can be your token asian yadda yadda yadda." Though now that I think about doesnt completely sound like that bad of an idea...maybe a bit borderline desperate, but not bad.

im not really sure where I'm going with this post cuz I'm being weird as fuck, but memo-to-self: make friends out side of school. Did i really just make a memo to stop being anti-social? fuck me. like seriously. the fuck?!?

TRIPPEN BALLS LATELY

word... I think thats an understatement actually.

im not sure what exactly it is that's making me feel antsy and a little bit anxious, but I think its a combination of things that semi-make me want to drop kick everything Im doing right now and become some peace loving tree hugging hippie with absolutely no ambition or plans.

maybe its a combination of things thats making me want to stop whatever I'm doing and pursue other interests: my new shitty family life, my mental rotation for this program, the fact that the sun is starting to come out in Portland, and etc...etc...etc...etc...

not that I'd actually do it cuz im like a billion dollars in debt right now for school. But I am willing, however, to make a compromise with myself: for every 5 days that I'm slaving away at this nerd shizz I will dedicate one whole day to do something completely insane or swoop up on some random ass hobby.

sooo at the top of my list for now: next weekend Im going to dabble in a little in-door rock climbing and maybe if I have spare time go explore the city a bit more.

oh and quick note-to-self: biaaa you need to start looking for a job like a legit human being. mkaaay thanks.