Quite possibly my mental health rotation is the best thing to ever happen to me. It was the final straw that broke this camels back and I was just like FUCK IT. fuck your mom. FUCK YOU. fuck your dog too. Thus I threw up both middle fingers to this so-called life and decided that shits about to change. pronto. stat. like NOWzzzzies. If i could say the word "NOW" in a multitude of various languages id be slamming those down too cuz it's JUST THAT SERIOUS.
If i wanted to be lame and seclude myself in a room all day I might as well just check into the psych ward so I can chill with all the other crazies who are involuntarily stuck in 5 X 6 walls. They just stare at their walls half of the time bored out of their minds and moments of their lives are preciously wasted. And though its not that Im wasting mine necessarily cuz I spend those hours studying and my days are rather goal-oriented apart of me is still like fuck. Umm so when Do I live again?
SO today I said EFF THIS. I rummaged around in my contact list and hit everybody up and their mom for a kick it session, and two folks responded. These two folks shall not be named, but lets just say they have never been to a Titty Bar. Thus after loading up on tons of fire water and greasy food I managed to talk them into going. Best Idea Ive had in a while. The whole experience was way too amusing. I never imagined Id be sitting around watching some girl pop her V at me with these two gangsters. ahahahahaha. It was random, awkward, funny, and so weird at the same time. I was just stuck in the moment while some girl was dropping it like its hot in front of me to a Willy Nelson song (PORTLAND YOU ARE STRANGE AS SHIZZ BY THE WAY). I wasn't worried about school, wasn't worried about crazy family thats gone more insane the past year, and wasn't worried that I may be doing shit all wrong. I honestly felt like I used to be when I was 18. Young. Naive. Rather STUPID. PRESENT LIVING cuz who cares about tomorrow. Now its not like I want to revert into the dumb teenager that I used to be, but I have to admit homegirl used to be super happy making bad decisions.
So I'm going to do a few things differently that will automatically result in me being in Awe of life and its little pleasures. I haven't come up with the plan necessarily, but Im in the process of doing so that revolves around DOING MORE, thinking less. A part of me hates that I'm way too analytical and I tend to be in my head all of the time. Especially now even more so.
old REYNA used to: dress like a legit human being, kayak, jump out of airplanes, go rafting, paint and sketch as a hobby, mob around downtown meeting random ass people who taught her a bunch of life lessons and changed her perspective, kick it at art museums when there was nothing better to do, go to dinners and movies by herself and never felt awkward about it, plan out random activities that usually involved firewater, and take impromptu 1 day mini road trips with no exact destination, etc..etc...etc...
new REYNA now: dresses like a hot mess, sits around doing a bunch of homework, goes to the gym, and sometimes cracks a few inappropriate jokes when she's feeling a bit gangster. Seriously the only time I ever draw is when I make sketches on my class notes out of boredom. Stick figures that are doing inappropriate things cuz even my imagination is at an all time low.
anyways. Long story short: I'm going to enjoy life. Im going to keep being ambitious. Im going to love a little. KEEP shizz weird and crazy. Also I'm going to start looking like a legit human being again- 1 day of the week I will not wear a poncho/sweat pants/a fucking muumuu.
memo-to-self: find a new place to live so I can move out that doesn't involve a living condition full of vegans or heroin addicts.
PEACE TO THE MIDDLE EAST AND IM OUT.
No comments:
Post a Comment